歌手:Lil Dicky
专辑:《So Hard》


Aka Mr. Leftward sloping *****
I got a story for you all now a€“ Yes sir.
Now I been dating this girl named Katie, she hot as hell
And her body crazy, v****a shaven and it dona€?t smell
And I dona€?t fall for chickens, but this one a little different
Body sickening, plus she really good at making breaded chicken
Got me thing she the one man, even fully clothed, shawty really fun
Get a lotta hos, but none of those come close
I swear this the most that Ia€?ve felt so damn exposed
Oh yeah, therea€?s one more thing and I know this s*it gonna sound insane
But I still havena€?t hit it I admit it, I wish I was kidding
Never been up inside before, because shea€?s only **** one guy before
And though I really wanna boink this whore
She my sweetie 3.14
So Ia€?m staying patient, and masterbating, and now my heart is sorta racing
Cuz she said tonight will be the night we do some fornicating
Hell yeah, Ia€?m down, Ia€?m about to go all out
Ia€?m gonna poud that crazy, like an elaborate black man handshake
But on the way to the crib, we pass this kid, and he seem to know who Katie is
So I say a€?who thisa€? and she say *****, this is my ex boyfriend Jim
And I aina€?t usually the one to be the jealous type
But as Ia€?m looking at this dude I cana€?t believe my eyes
Cuz hea€?s the best looking guy that Ia€?ve seen in my whole life
Hea€?s got the thickest head of hair, chiseled jaw, an egregious bod
Man this the closest thing Ia€?ve seen to a Grecian god
And now Ia€?m looking at my chick, cuz his *****€?s been inside her raw
Aww damn
Man this is crazy, I cana€?t believe this guy used to **** my lady
I bet he left that ***** ravaged like Haiti
Katiea€?s huggin and squeezing his shoulder blades Katie
And Ia€?m buggin and queasy, this aint okay
And then they say, a€?leta€?s get drinksa€? so I say okay
Even though I was about to get laid
Man this ******* look like Ashton, combined with a lil Hugh Jackman
In other words, hea€?s so damn attractive
So damn tan he gotta have a little black in him
Now Ia€?m in the back with him, sippin on some yak with him
And he paying for it all, he inves**ent banking
Ia€?m acting, like I aint distracted

An dnow Ia€?m feeling pissed, so I go and take a piss
Mid stream, I look left and guess who it is
And I had to see, and I was mad discrete
And I got on my toes and I took a little peek
Oh my god Becky, look at that c**k
And I aina€?t usually the one to be the jealous type
But as Ia€?m looking at his ****, I cana€?t believe my eyes
Cuz hea€?s got the biggest c**k that Ia€?ve seen in my whole life
And now Ia€?m staring at this dudea€?s soft **** with a lotta hate
Because the s*it is plus 8 like Jon and Kate
And I dona€?t know if I can date my girl after tonight
Aw damn
I dona€?t know what to do, dudea€?s **** is really huge
I didna€?t realize a ***** could be so smooth
I know shea€?s missing that, my ***** isna€?t that
Ia€?m looking closer, I think that his **** has abs

Ita€?s so long and thick, Ita€?s like a punching bag
Ia€?m saying ita€?s so shaven, head is amazing
Got my **** looking like a raisin
Skin tone insane, man hea€?s hung like Saddam Hussain, its crazy
What the **** should I do?
He gotta Rutha€?s Chris ****, and minea€?s a drive thru

Cuz I simply cana€?t survive
After seeing what was in between his thighs, so I tell her
That this dudea€?s gotta **** that I dona€?t comprehend
I had to move my neck to see it end to end
I mean the physics of his **** just dona€?t make any sense
And I think ita€?s for the best if this comes to an end
Because the *** with him must have been the best
And I would say leta€?s just be friends
But I think I would just think about his **** all the time, so goodbye
Then she told me ***** I dona€?t really know what to say
Because I dated this dude in second grade
So I dona€?t know about his ****, now leta€?s go home and get you laid
And then I took her to my crib, and you know that we belly slapped
And I gave her an O like I was selling crack, and when I came