歌手:Mapps
专辑:《Untitled.als》

“He just was in so much pain
That he, you know,
took it out on his mom
And took it out on his dad
And took it out on his siblings
But it’s almost like he didn’t—
he didn’t feel worthy
because he was rejected
And I don’t know
how anybody feels with
having your whole family reject you”
“He was searching for
whatever made him feel like
he wasn’t alone
And that he wasn’t so different”
“Well I know that
some people will say that
I treated him maternally,
took care of him
But I like to think that
it was more I was trying to
nurture him rather than take care of him
Trying to nurture
who he was and get him to
let him do his art,
let him do his music
And encourage him
to get better at it
as opposed to trying to stifle him
But also not
trying to be the mom,
but trying to be a nurturing
girlfriend—or friend”
“So who would support him?”
“Me”
“And what would he do all day
while you were at work?”
“It was kind of funny
cause sometimes he would just sit there
and watch TV for four hours
And you’d think
he wasn’t creating
But he’d be playing guitar
while he was doing that
or think of stuff later and then,
you know,
and you go out for a few hours
and you come back
and there’s a painting on the wall
or there’s a big comic strip—
or whatever,
he wrote a song,
you know, recorded it.”
“He hated being humiliated.
He hated it.
And if he ever thought
he was humiliated,
then you’d see the rage come out.
And he was very careful about
and stubborn about
how the way the artwork was presented
because he didn’t want to be humiliated.”

“He’s home.
And he comes downstairs in his little
whitey tighties.
No shirt. Barefoot.
Up and in his undies.
And uh—hairy dong coming out.
That’s another thing
I got sick of looking out.
And he’s standing there with this tape
in his hand and I go,
‘What’s that?’
And he goes,
‘It’s the master cut to my new album.
Can I put it on the stereo?’
And I go,
‘ Yeah! Turn it up. Up, up, up.’
Cause I listen to music really loud.
And I look at him and I go,
‘Oh my god. Oh my god.’
And I almost start crying.”

“It just, every week it got worst.
And sometimes he would come home,
I think to hide.
And it was really bad.
He started getting sores and
losing weight and nodding out.
I was pretty sure he knew I knew.
That I decided one time to
just confront him.
And I went up to his bedroom.
He’s sitting on the side of the bed.
And he was crying
because I had just arrived.
And he knew
it was breaking my heart.
That I—and I talked to him about it.
And he burst into tears.
And he was just ashamed."

...end