歌手:Flight of the Conchords
专辑:《Live in London》

作词 : Bret McKenzie/Jemaine Clement
作曲 : Bret McKenzie/Jemaine Clement
This is the strangest story that youˇll ever hear
Unless you canˇt hear
In which case, thisˇll be the weirdest tale that youˇve ever lip-read
Iˇll tell you the story of a dangerous man
Some say he was born with a gun in his hand
An only child and a motherless son
In his class he was the difficult one
He had a predilection for killing and hating
His name was an anagram of Satan
Bad attitude, bad blood, bad grammar
A man by his name of Stana
Stana
Talking about a bad man, London
A very bad man
An evil man
His very name was a Satan-agram
Heˇs the kind of man
Who would walk around without any pants on
And take a Viagra
Just pop into town at the supermarket with an erection
Man, heˇd poke babies in the eye
Unrelated to the last fact
Heˇd steal your goat. You donˇt know what he would do with it
Bad things
Heˇd steal your Wi-Fi
His name is a Satan-agram
Just like Santa, but he was nothing like Santa
No, Santaˇs a wonderful man
Who brings presents, comes down your chimney
And brings you presents
Whereas Stanaˇs a man
Who just cums down your chimney
Why would someone do that?
Ruin a lovely fireside evening
Well, thereˇre people
They were sick of him groping their goats
And raping their sheep
Then one night
They drugged his drink
They try to sneak out while he was asleep
But Stana awoke before they got out of town
Because their drug was just too weak
He gathered them ˉround, shot every one of them down
Right there in the street
He shot everybody in the town down
And then you know what he said?
He said, ¨Iˇm out of this place. This townˇs dead anyway.〃
Heˇs kinda did it like that where the head went
¨This townˇs dead anyway.〃
¨Itˇs too soon, Stana.〃
¨Thatˇs rude! What are you〃
Heˇs literally adding insult to injury!
He put on his hat
Got on his horse
To a new town
He set his course
Went to a place to grab a bite to eat
Could not believe what he saw out on the street
Outside where the wind blew in two directions
Stana seemed to look at his own reflection
A man identical to imperfection
Same eyes, same lies, same sized erection
Erection!
I know what youˇre thinking. Youˇre thinking he had a big one. No
Oh, you thought ˉcause he was a bad boy, heˇd have a big olˇ one
You thought heˇd have a big huge-a-rooni
No, no, no, no, no
No, London. No, London
Thatˇs a rumor put out by bad guys
Oh, yeah
¨Give me all your money, when they come, you say I had a big one.〃
Well, I was just gonna mention, you know who does have a big ones, is musicians
Well, they drew their guns
Both at once and aimed their shots directly
No one there had seen such a thing
Well, itˇs not what youˇd expect to see
Bullets flew at the very same time
On a very same trajectory
What I say is true
ˉCause I was there
And their bullets flew right next to me
Then bullets stopped right there as they met in the air
Then they fell to the ground without making a sound
Each man dropped his jaw and fired five more
Each pair of bullets was the same as before
They raised their brows as they saw the side
Of bullets as they stopped each other flight
As though they were filled with pure elation
They began to laugh ˉcause it was quite a funny situation
Funny situation
Turns out this other guyˇs name is Anats
Satan-agram
The two men couldnˇt shoot each other,
ˉcause they were absolutely perfectly matched in every way
So instead, they went to a cafe
They started chatting
Turned out they had more in common that just physical appearances
Thatˇs right. Very similar experiences
Theyˇd done a lot of the same things
They loved the same kind of activities
Like hurting people and maiming
They got on like a house on fire
Which is also one of the first things they did together
They both shared a love for predatory large cats
You know, tigers, lions, ocelots, lynxes
You have any big cats here in London?
Theyˇre like big beavers
They donˇt have beavers
They donˇt have beavers
You guys donˇt have beavers
WTF? Oh badgers
Go out hunting for English beavers
They became attached together
Like a brain and a tumor
Same taste, same hobbies, same sense of humor
They bought a farm, started breeding puma
They became lovers, well thatˇs the rumor
Well, thatˇs what happened when Anats met Stana
But they say we all got our doppelganger
That might be false, but it might be true
What would you do if you met you?
Thatˇs the real question
What would you do if you met yourself
If you were confronted by your own person?
Maybe youˇd look at that other you in the eye
And just think
¨I understand you. Because I am you.〃
And youˇd walk up to that person
And youˇd hold them
The way youˇve always wanted to be held
But no oneˇs ever got it quite right
Sometimes theyˇve done it too tightly
Sometimes theyˇve done it too loosely
With their arms all floppy like spaghetti, dangling around
But this hug between you and that other you
Is a perfect consistency of hug
Then, while youˇre there with your hands around yourself
You think, ¨Well, I wonder what my butt feels like.〃
And you just like, you know, like, spider-walk one of your hands down to your other selfˇs butt hole
And give it a little squeeze
And ¨Whoa! Whatˇs happening back there?〃
The other youˇs doing the same thing
Hello. Is this wrong?
And then you wonder, ¨I wonder if Iˇm a good kisser.〃
So you kiss that other you
And you know what? Straight away
It feels right, it feels good
It feels like love
Theyˇve fallen in love
An emotional connection
Two very evil men
With minuscule erections
Stana and Anats
Anats and Stana
Looking after each other now
Looking after panthers
They used to murderinˇ, murderinˇ, murderinˇ
Now they cuddlinˇ, cuddlinˇ, cuddlinˇ
Used to be threateninˇ, threateninˇ, threateninˇ,
Now theyˇre getting big cats and pettinˇ em
Used to be homicidal and killinˇ
Now theyˇre in a domicile and chillinˇ
Used to be slayinˇ, slayinˇ, slayinˇ
Now theyˇre gayinˇ, gayinˇ, gayinˇ
Now theyˇre in love
Theyˇre fallinˇ in love
They found a little love