Hospitalization
 作词 : 幻想邦尼
 作曲 : 幻想邦尼
 编曲 : 幻想邦尼
Ah
Since a day I can't recall when,
My heart's drumming turned intense, panic set in.
Nighttimes spent swiping, screen's glow my only friend,
Sleep delayed, from midnight to two, then deeper into the bend.
Phone-induced slumber, a fleeting respite,
Yet wakefulness returned with each scrolling spike.
Content crass and raw, my mind's diet,
In this cycle, sleep finally quieted the riot.
Mornings met with a struggle to arise,
Meetings survived, strength barely disguised.
Their end, anxiety's embrace, tight,
Projects stagnated, self-doubt's endless night.
Weekends with my child, energy sparse,
Willpower, my sole force.
My son before me, yet a gulf so wide,
Emotions veiled, communication, a tide receded inside.
My speech, a sluggish stream, tone faint,
With family, it dwindled, almost faint.
Alone, thoughts of ending it all emerged,
To the window, I'd wander, lost and purged.
Twenty-five floors above, the abyss called,
Thoughts intensified, like a siren's wail.
Compelled to search, methods known,
Events replayed, plastic bag tried, alone.
Charcoal chosen, plans revised with care,
News scoured, details studied, the aftermath to bear.
Pain, consequences weighed, the decision set,
Parents' welfare considered, Buddhism's teachings vetted.
Death not the end, a fear ingrained,
In my cart, charcoal, grill, tape arranged.
A tent added, to spare embarrassment and strife,
Thoughts of causing distress, a life cut short, rife.
Drowning in these notions,
Wrote a farewell, words weak, unsatisfying refrain.
Then, clarity struggled, through the fog it led,
To Peking University's Sixth Hospital, I was somehow conveyed.
Doctors heard my tale, a diagnosis clear,
Advised hospital stay, a path to steer.
"I can't," I argued, projects on the line,
Results came back: anxiety, depression, intertwined.
"Persist," she urged, her aid limited by my will,
Giving up meant defeat, a bitter pill.
Medication in hand, a strange calm took hold,
Diagnosed, a relief, a long-held story told.
Thoughts of self-harm, now met with a cushioned bounce,
Like an airbag deployed, safety'sounce.
I embraced my patient role, newfound care,
Project's future, now a consideration to bear.
And so, in July, the twelfth day of the year twenty-one,
Hospital doors opened, a journey begun.